Storytime with Mr Gold
by Snapegirlkmf
Summary: A sick Regina begs Rumple to tell her a story . . . and he comes up with his own comical story based on a popular children's song, about a bunny, some field mice, and one very stupid blue fairy. A Baby Regal/Gold fic, Gold Standard series!


**Storytime with Mr. Gold**

_A Baby Regal/Gold fic_

_**A/N: this story was inspired by a crazy day in the kid's section of B & N, and an old song a child was singing while I worked there. **_

_**Disclaimer: Don't own, dearies! So sad!**_

_**Dedicated to all my loyal readers and to the awesome and magical Robert Carlyle!**_

_Takes place right after ch 13 of A Red, Green, and Gold Christmas, if you want to be chronological:_

"But Mommy!" Regina whined as Snow walked down the sidewalk of Storybrooke with her, holding onto her mother's hand as she did so. "I don't wanna go to Ashley's today. I wanna see Unca Rumple!"

Snow sighed. She was still fighting vestiges of the flu and Regina's crankiness was giving her a headache. She was wearing her white coat over her salmon pink shirt and black pants with her comfortable flats on, because teaching was hard on your feet, unless you managed to sit down for a whole period, which Snow never did.

"Regina, Uncle Rumple's working. And he's probably sick of the sight of you, given you were at his house for three days at least when you were sick," Snow told her irritable three-year-old. "Now don't you want to see Ashley and Alexa again?"

Regina shook her head, her thick black curls flying out behind her. "No! I wanna see Unca Rumple!" She was feeling tired and out-of-sorts and cranky, and the one thing she _didn't_ want to do was to spend the whole day at Ashley's tiny little house that sometimes stank of fish and have baby Alexandria crying off and on, with nothing to do except color and watch cartoons the whole day.

"Regina, don't be a pill," her mother said crossly. "Now come on, I have to get you to Ashley's before work." She began to walk quicker down the sidewalk, wishing she'd planned this out better, or that Regina would stop dragging her little feet in her light-up Reeboks.

They passed Gold's Pawnshop, and suddenly Regina pulled free of Snow's hand and raced over to the door of the familiar establishment. She pulled the door open and ran inside, yelling, "_Unca Rumple!_"

"Regina! Come back here!" Snow hollered as the child disappeared into the pawnshop.

Rumplestiltskin was dusting the glass case with his many pieces of jewelry and when he heard Regina screaming, he dropped his rag on the floor and conjured up a quick energy globe, one that could blast anything into the dirt. "Regina? What's wrong, dearie?"

The child ran up to him, her dark eyes filled with tears, in her familiar quilted lavender coat and matching mittens with the faux white fur on them and her pink woolen tights. She grabbed him around the knee and sobbed, "Unca Rumple, I don't wanna go to Ashley's!"

"You don't want to what?" he asked, because it was hard to understand what she was saying through her sobs. He patted her back and asked, "Where's your mommy or daddy?"

"Right here, Rumple," said Snow, striding into the shop. "She ran away from me when we got to your door."

Upon seeing Snow, Regina let out another howl as if she were being tortured and clung tenaciously to Rumple's pant leg. "No-o-o! I don't wanna go! I don't wanna go!"

Rumple almost put his hands over his ears. "Lord, Snow! Where are you taking her? To the pediatrician's for some vaccinations?" His hand automatically carded Regina's hair. "Hey, dearie, quit screaming, okay? You'll put a banshee out of business."

Over her daughter's yowls, Snow cried, "Rumple, all I was doing was taking her to Ashley's house. And she started crying that she wanted to come by you and when I told her no, she ran away from me!"

"Is that all?" Rumple frowned. "Regina! Regina, stop, dearie. Calm down." He knelt and took the hysterical child in his arms.

Once she was being held by him, she switched her hold from his knee to his neck and hugged him tightly, still bawling, but not screaming any longer. Rumple patted her back soothingly until she quit crying, then conjured a tissue and had her wipe her eyes and blow her nose. "Little imp, why are you screaming fit to bring the house down?"

Cuddling closer to him, one arm still wound about his neck, she looked into his eyes and said, "Cause Mommy said we has to go to Ashley's, an' I don't wanna go there, Unca Rumple! I wanna stay here with you."

"Regina, Uncle Rumple's working," Snow protested. She shook her head wearily. "I really don't know what's wrong with her, Rumple. I guess she woke up cranky this morning and in one of her bratty moods."

"Hmm . . . maybe," Rumple mused softly, thinking maybe there was more to Regina's outburst than just wanting her own way. He put his hand on her forehead. "She feels a little warm, Snow. She could have a bit of a fever."

"You think so?" Snow cried, alarmed. "Regina, do you feel sick, honey?"

The child nodded, leaning her head on Rumple's shoulder. "M' tired an' my head hurts an' my tummy feels icky."

"Oh no! Regina, why didn't you tell me?" Snow groaned. "Now I'll have to call out of work . . ."

"Don't do that, Snow," said Rumple quickly. "Go, I'll take care of her. I can't catch whatever she has. It's probably some of that virus she's got, it can linger in your system for awhile. She can take some of my cherry cordial and take a nap in my back room while I work on unpacking my new shipment of antiques."

"Rumple, I don't want to put you out—"

"You're not. It's not a problem for me to watch her, and if she's sick you can't bring her by Ashley's. She'll get the baby sick. So leave her here."

"Okay. But Regina, you'd better behave for Uncle Rumple. And next time don't run away from Mommy."

"'Kay. I be good. Sorry," she gave Snow a pitiful look from beneath her long lashes, which were wet with tears. Then she buried her face in Rumple's Armani suit jacket again.

"All right. Rumple, here's her bag," she handed him Regina's duffle. "If she gets worse or she gives you a hard time, call me."

"We'll be fine, dearie," he reassured her. "Now get to class, Mrs. Nolan, before you're late and your students all go home." He winked at her.

"Okay, Mr. Gold," she teased, then she bent and kissed Regina on the head. "Feel better, baby girl. I'll be back at three to pick her up. Bye!" she waved as she left the shop, dialing Ashley on her cell as she did so.

Rumple carried Regina into the back room of his shop, where he conjured the little bed for her like he had before. "Why don't you take a nap, Regina?"

"Unca Rumple, I'm hot," the child complained fretfully.

"Well, then let's get you out of these clothes and into something cooler," he said, and helped her out of her coat, boots, and pink frilly sweater, skirt and tights.

In her bag was a Pull Up and some soft terry feet pajamas with Aurora and Belle on them. "Okay, let's put these on you, dearie."

"Umm . . . I gotta go potty," Regina told him, and then she ran out of the room and across the hall to the bathroom, starkers.

Rumple just chuckled and shook his head. Bae and Alina used to do that also when they were small.

In a few moments, the former Evil Queen was back, quite unconcerned over the fact that she was nude and announced, "I did number one and two."

"Good job," he praised her. "How does your tummy feel now?"

"Uh . . . a little better," she admitted.

"Okay," Rumple said, wondering if the little girl's stomachache had been because she had needed to go to the bathroom. He conjured his cordial just in case and gave her some anyway, then put her in her Pull Up and pajamas. "Now why don't you lie down here and take a nap?"

She hopped on the little bed, then said, "Unca Rumple, will you tell me a story?"

"What kind of story?" he asked, pulling his chair close to the small bed and sitting on it.

"Umm . . . a funny story."

"Okay, but after the story, you take a nap. Have we got a deal?"

"Deal!" she said, and they shook.

"Hmm . . ." he thought for a moment, knowing he really ought to get going with his new shipment, but unless Regina fell asleep, that wasn't an option. He knew better than to leave her unattended while he unpacked inventory. Regina was like the ocean, you couldn't turn your back on her for a minute.

As he rummaged in his mind for a story to tell her, he recalled the conversation he'd had days ago with the Blue Fairy and Belle about his unborn twins and losing Baelfire, and how that judgmental winged bug had accused him of being an unfit parent and threatened to take his children away. _Over my dead body, you evil blue lightning bug! Nobody touches any child in my family!_

As he pondered, Regina lay down on the little bed and put her head on the goosedown pillow and mumbled, "Unca Rumple! Where's my story?"

"Now you wait a minute, Miss Bossypants," he said. "I'm thinking."

Then he recalled he hadn't put his Closed sign out, and said, "Wait here while I go and lock the door, dearie."

Then he went and put the sign out and locked up. As he did so, he heard some children pass by on their way to school and they were singing a familiar tune.

It gave him an idea.

Then he made his way back to Regina. "All right, dearie. This is a story about a little bunny and some field mice and a Blue Fairy," he said slyly. He cleared his throat. The little imp wanted a story, so a story he'd give her.

"Once upon a time, there was a little bunny called Little Bunny Foo Foo, and she lived in a cozy little rabbit hole in the forest. One day she decided to bake some carrot cake muffins, so she mixed up the batter and poured it in some muffin tins and whipped up a batch of cream cheese frosting. Then she put the pan in the oven and soon the carrot cake muffins were done.

"The smell was so delicious that it could be smelled for miles around, and it brought some hungry field mice to her door. They asked if they could have a muffin, and Little Bunny Foo Foo agreed, and gave them one after she had frosted it.

"Those greedy mice gobbled it right up, and when Little Bunny Foo Foo's back was turned they stole the whole bunch of muffins!" Rumple put his hands to his face with an expression of horror.

"Oh no! Bad mice!" Regina squealed, half-sitting up. "They oughta be spanked and put in a corner."

"Why, dearie?"

"Cause it ain't nice to steal the bunny's muffins," she replied.

"Right you are. Want to know what happened next?"

The child nodded.

Smirking, Rumple snapped his fingers and suddenly a little bunny wearing a blue apron with a yellow oven mitt and a spatula hopped across the room, it was like a hologram, and sparkled faintly with purple magic. A bunch of field mice also appeared, carrying the carrot cake muffins in their tiny paws and running across the floor.

"Ooh! There they are!" Regina sat up and clapped her hands in glee.

Then he began to sing, the same song the children outside his shop had been warbling minutes before, letting his voice go high the way he had when he was the Dark One, in a playful singsong chant:

"Little Bunny Foo Foo, hopping through the forest

Scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head!"

And as he spoke, the little bunny chased the thieving field mice all over the floor, scooping them up with her spatula and bopping them on the head.

"Cool!" Regina yelled.

Rumple continued, still using his squeaky Dark One voice, "Down came the Blue Fairy, and she said, Little Bunny Foo Foo, I don't wanna see you scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head."

"But Unca Rumple . . . those are bad mice," Regina pointed out. "They oughta be bopped on the head for takin' her muffins."

"Yes, dearie, but the Blue Fairy always thinks she knows what's best for everyone," Rumple declared. "And she wouldn't listen to Little Bunny Foo Foo, and then she said, "I'll give you three chances, and if you don't behave, I'll turn you into a dragon."

"Stupid fairy!" the little girl cried angrily.

Rumple had the Blue Fairy, in her tiny guise with wings and a blue dress with a skirt that made her look like a flying jellyfish, appear and wave her wand at the little bunny, and the bunny drooped in dismay and behind her, all the field mice were laughing and giving each other high fives.

"Then the Blue Fairy vanished and Little Bunny Foo Foo was going to hop back home, until she caught sight of those field mice laughing and teasing her with her stolen muffins again. And she forgot what the fairy had said and ran after them again."

As Little Bunny Foo Foo chased the mice around again with her spatula, Rumple started singing the familiar tune, and this time Regina copied him.

"Little Bunny Foo Foo hopping through the forest

Scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head!"

Then Rumple continued, singing the fairy's part.

"Down came the Blue Fairy and she said,

Little Bunny Foo Foo I don't want to see you

Scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head!

It's not nice! You get two more chances to behave,

And if you don't I'll turn you into a dragon."

And the fairy shook her wand scoldingly at the little bunny again, while the field mice who remained cheered and sniggered at the chastened rabbit.

Then the Blue Fairy poofed away and Little Bunny Foo Foo turned to go home.

"Dumb old fairy!" Regina growled. "She ain't nice!"

"No, she isn't," agreed Rumple.

"So Little Bunny Foo Foo was heading home when she caught sight of those field mice laughing and sharing the last of the muffins and she was so ma she forgot about the Blue Fairy's words and she ran after the mice, waving her spatula."

Then he sang the familiar refrain a third time, while the bunny chased the mice and bopped them on the head.

"Little Bunny Foo Foo hopping through the forest

Scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head!"

Regina sang along with him, clapping in time with the silly rhyme.

Gold sang the fairy's part again, making his voice just like a fussy old lady's.

"Down came the Blue Fairy and she said, Little Bunny Foo Foo, I don't want to see you scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head. Now you didn't behave and now I'll turn you into a dragon!"

Regina gasped as the fairy waved her wand and poof—the bunny became a white dragon. "Noo! Unca Rumple, that's no fair!"

He held up a hand. "Hush, dearie. The story's not done yet."

""kay! But the Blue Fairy's a butthole!"

Rumple's mouth quivered. "Ahem! Then Little Bunny Foo Foo, who was now a dragon, gave a loud growl and snarled, "Hey Blue Fairy, I'll fix you!" and she flew at the fairy and chased her through the forest until she pinned her against a tree and . . . down came that Blue Fairy . .. and Crunch! Chomp! Snap! . . . she ate her right up!"

"Yay! No more dumbass fairy!" cheered the little minx, clapping at the fairy's demise.

Rumple found himself chuckling . . . until he recalled what the child had said. "Regina, mind that mouth, dearie, or else!"

She huffed at him. "Okay! But she _was_!"

Rumple smirked and ruffled her hair. "Well, I can't say I don't agree with you." He waved a hand and the dragon vanished into purple smoke. "How's that for a story, Regina?"

"Unca Rumple, it was the bestest!" she said, and then she jumped up and hugged him.

Smiling, he hugged her back, then said, "Okay, now it's time for all good little girls to take a nap."

"Aww!" she pouted.

"Ah ah!" he waved a finger under her nose. "We had a deal. And nobody breaks deals with your uncle, dearie. Not even you, Miss Nolan."

Regina groaned, but she knew well that once a deal was struck, she had to keep her word, and so she lay down and Rumple tucked her in, humming the refrain of the song and carding her hair until she fell asleep.

When the child was sleeping soundly, the pawnbroker rose and went to unpack his shipment, images of the Blue Fairy getting satisfyingly chomped by a dragon flitting through his head.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Snow returned in the afternoon to pick up Regina, finding her daughter much improved and after helping her get dressed into her clothes again, thanked Rumple, and said they were going home.

"Mommy, Mommy! Wait till you hear the cool story Unca Rumple told me!" Regina began as she led the older woman out of the shop.

"Wait, Regina. Tell me later, because we need to stop by the convent," Snow instructed.

"How come?"

"Because I need to speak with Mother Superior," she answered.

Once they had reached the convent, and been admitted to Mother Superior's office, Snow started talking to the Blue Fairy.

Bored, Regina wandered around the room, and her eyes lit on a small gold statue. "Pretty!" she said, and her small hands reached out to touch it.

"Don't touch that!" snapped Blue.

Regina jumped, startled.

"I'm sorry, Blue," Snow apologized. "Regina, you know not to touch things that don't belong to you."

"But Mommy, I just wanted to see it," Regina whined.

"Regina, please just sit still and wait till I'm done talking," Snow said exasperatedly.

"I'm bored! Mommy, let me tell you the story Unca Rumple told me," her daughter whimpered, tugging on Snow's sleeve.

Blue's mouth pursed. "She's been spending time with that imp?"

"Well, yes . . . he is her uncle after all, and she wasn't feeling well today so I left her with him—"

"Humph! No wonder she's the way she is! He probably spoils her rotten!" Blue snorted.

"No, he doesn't," Snow disagreed.

Regina glared at the Blue Fairy. "Hey! Don't you call my Unca Rumple names!"

Blue glared right back at her. "You mind your manners, missy!"

"You're not the boss of me!" Regina snapped. "You better watch out, you nasty blue bug, b'fore I get Little Bunny Foo Foo to turn into a dragon and eat you for a snack!" Then she made crunching sounds and smacked her lips.

Blue gasped. "Why you little brat!"

"Regina, where did you hear such a thing?" Snow wondered.

Regina rolled her eyes. "It's in the song, Mommy! Like I toldja!" Then she began to sing, "Little Bunny Foo Foo hopping through the forest . . ."

Five minutes later, Snow was dragging Regina out of the convent, muttering, "My God, Regina! _Why_ did you have to sing that song to her?" She thought her face must be as red as Ruby's lipstick.

"Cause she is mean and nasty and makin' fun of Unca Rumple and I don't like her, Mommy!" Regina declared. "An' I hope a dragon _does_ gobble her right up!"

Snow just groaned. Then she muttered, "Rumplestiltskin, just wait until I get a hold of you!"

Regina shook her head. "Mommy! Don't you be mad at Unca Rumple! He ain't bad, the Blue Fairy is, an' I'm gonna bop her on the head!"

"Oh, dear!" her mother sighed. "Oh, dearie dearie dear!" Then she started laughing, imagining Regina bopping Blue on the head with her Easy Bake Oven spatula.


End file.
